Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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