I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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