$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
