Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
