You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
