fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i think i have herpe
just one?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
