She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
