I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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