I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i believe in u and ur pee
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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