nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She's like a pop up book from hell.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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