Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
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The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
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I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
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