I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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