omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
