no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize