Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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