very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Is it because I queefed?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
