shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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