Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
