Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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