happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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