Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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