you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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