I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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