im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
