someone threw a dead crab at me
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
