so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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