Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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