you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
