I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
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The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
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they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.