so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
