Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize