The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
