Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
