im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
