you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
