They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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