im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
