just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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