u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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