The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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