I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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