Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
