just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
