So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
