3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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