I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
