Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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