Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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