on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
