This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
