I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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