Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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