Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Did I show you my penis last night?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
