Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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