Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
