This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
