He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
