By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
