i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
