its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
