Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
