haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
