I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
