I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
