Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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