Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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